(7) A dancing pro becomes a P.R.O.

(Continued from the previous post Scam Kreeda. If you are visiting the blog for the first time, please start from the first Post ‘Promotion- Promotion’. The links are also given at the right hand side.)

Around 6:30 PM, the Caravan of 15 cars began to return to Nachpur from Tapri; at last in a style befitting the desi Oil Magnates of SPCL. Noora ordered Reno to go to Bhogi’s with only Topi. 

The Bosses   chose to return to the Hotel. Satak was quite disheartened to have missed yet another chance to go to Bhogi’s. Noora could not trust the Journo …

The ‘Spiritual Party’ at Bhogi’s started   around 7.00 PM without bosses. Shanno, the ecdysiast, was at her best and was performing with a new found fervor. Shekhar, through Reno, had promised her a job of Public Relations Officer (P.R.O.) in a subsidiary of SPCL in Bombay (Now, Mumbai) only if she could extract the name of the person who informed the Journo about the Fire Fiasco at Tapri. This was a life time opportunity for Shanno to extend her business in Bombay. She could not afford to miss it.

She drove the Journo crazy in her intense bid to know the name of the person. The Journo wanted favors in return. They went on haggling. Finally a deal was struck. Reno came to know that the informer was local Union leader DM Yadu.

Once the name was disclosed, Shanno and Reno left Bhogi Bar in a hot haste. Before leaving, Reno the philanthropist whispered to the Journo that it was not de rigueur for them to be dead to donate their organs. The journo understood and appreciated the theory and assured to apply and propagate it further as Reno’s theory of organ donation.

And then, a highly motivated team of Gulbadan, Julie and many more besieged the Journo as a part of the sanctified deal. 

Here at the Hotel, a pall of gloom was still pervading despite their gulping down several pegs of Santra, the local hooch, so lovingly arranged by steatopygian Mami for dear Satak. (Johnny walker –Black label a hit of that era was also arranged for the bosses by the bosses at SPCL expenses. But they preferred to deposit the same in their luggage respecting the austerity measures initiated by the Govt. of India and Ministry of Petroleum a few months back.) 

Noora kept on thinking philosophically about ‘Aasoulian Intelligence’ to be applied in HR matters of SPCL. Khajulal continued to do most efficiently what he had been doing for the last three days. Satak resumed to go Satak, as usual. Shekhar persisted to raise his right hand to nurse Satak, every ten minutes.

Reno and Shanno arrived at the Hotel by 9 O’clock. Reno heroically announced the name of the new enemy of SPCL- D.M.Yadu. Humanitarian Noora dictated to Reno the content of the charge-sheet to be given to Yadu. 

Now, the mood of the room changed dramatically. Shekhar congratulated Shanno for becoming a PRO. The pro was now proud to be a PRO. Noora handed over a letter of appointment. Shanno smiled and said coyly -'Jai Maata di!' This electrified the atmosphere .The bosses smiled and salivated copiously…

Shanno went back to Bhogi Bar, as a part of the consecrated deal, for the last time. Bosses left for the Airport. A short three days and two nights package at the cost of SPCL  had to come to an end because the bosses had utmost respect for the austerity measures announced by the Govt. of India.

(Noora had gone but the concept of ‘Noora Kushti’, as a new Management theory, had arrived. You have to have Aasoulian Intelligence to understand Noora Kushti. More about these sacred Management Theories in future...)

 Click here for the next Article: Biking- an Urge to surge ahead

(6) Scam Kreeda

(Continued from the previous post  Cosmic dance by a comic dunce. If you are visiting the blog for the first time, please start from the first Post ‘Promotion- Promotion’. The links are given at the right hand side.)

The meeting, the Scam-Kreeda, finally started at Tapri at 3 O’clock after lavish lunch en-route. Satak continued to chew tobacco and ruminate while looking furtively at Mami peeping from the nearby window. Mami was looking at Noora, Noora was looking at Khaju, and Khaju was more interested in eating Kaju. But Reno had to sacrifice Butterfly and his spit before he could start the show.

“Dear friends, time has come to choose to be an   Aasoul or a wet blanket like Bapu. If you want to play Golf with us, choose to be an Aasoul. If you wish not to grow and continue playing ‘Gilli danda’; follow the dirty path chosen by Bapu. If you want to believe that Satak sir is a pompous jerk, brash, conceited, apolaustic,devoted to lord Bacchus, an imposter, a womanizer and what not; you may think so. But look at our great corporate history; all successful bosses have evinced the same characteristics! And the Corporation has only progressed! To some rigid, useless and negative Officers; Satak Sir may be just an Aasoul. But our bosses have highest regard for him, for he is the face of the Company. If negative people want to call me Aasoul, I take it as a complement because all my successful superiors are like that only. And I am proud of them.”

Shekhar rose up to deliver his speech. “Corporation is giving you Salary, Perks and all ‘facilities’, you need not think beyond Company. There are Officers who talk about Country and countrymen, though they take salary from this company! We do not need such ‘arrogant traitors’! Here at local level Satak and Reno are doing a great job. Satak at 45 is the Present and Reno at 30 is the future of the Company. You all should support them. Thinking about what is good for Country is none of your business.”

Now it was the turn of the learned, intelligent and emotional, humanitarian Buddy Noora to inform about the roll out of the future HR Programs of SPCL. “I fully concur with Reno... I should say that it was a bold and great Aasoulian logic to covey the simple underlying philosophy of the Corporate World in general and Oil Sector in particular. 

“We emphatically   intend to start a centre of learning on the abstract subject of ‘Aasoulian Intelligence’ so that other Corporate, especially Oil Companies, world wide are also benefitted. I am going to have detailed discussion with Reno how to develop the subject of Aasoulian Intelligence for which we will soon begin with a project tentatively named APE. We are also going to fund for research in this pioneering field with the premier Management Institutes of the World.

“Regarding Bapu, we are going to serve him a Charge Sheet against ‘Insubordination and unauthorized absenteeism’ tomorrow itself through Reno. As far as his three indisciplined friends Tej, Kola and Vira are concerned, we are only transferring them to NE, North Zone and South Zone far away from their residences as per the Section 17.6.1 of the Transfer Policy according to which a transfer can take place any time any where at the discretion of the Management of SPCL.

We have issued them warning letters. They have accepted their grave mistake of being Bapu’s friend. They have also given in writing that they will never be associated with the ‘traitor’ in future. That’s all from HR point of view.” 

Satak hinted all Officers to leave. Now only the bosses, Satak, Reno and lowly learned, certificates accumulator, rain coat wearing, tobacco chewing, Machiavellian Bean Counter cum HR Officer Pujya Doshi were left. There were a few File notes to be signed for the betterment of the Corporation and the Country. They all signed merrily on the File Notes to pile notes…

Topi called from Hotel and informed Satak that he had taken care of the journalists and that he had arranged an action packed ‘Spiritual’ party at Bhogi’s Bar in the evening inviting the Journos also so as to ensure that SPCL does not earn negative publicity. Satak Pal Sen began to pirouette.

As Topi was not around, so Reno shouted religiously- Jai Maata di!! The bosses had a hearty laughter …!!!

Click here for the next Article-- A dancing pro becomes a PRO

(5) Cosmic dance by a comic dunce

(Continued from the previous post Scam-Dev and Scam-ayani. If you are visiting the blog for the first  time, please start from the first Post Promotion- Promotion. .)

Within a month of operation of TPC ( Tapri Petroleum Company), Suren Chor had earned a second hand tank-truck from Topi Pissoo, the President of Nachpur District Tank Truck Owners-Drivers- Cleaners Association. Suren Chor was made the Secretary of the association and Mangu Mapia was designated Treasurer. Changu was no where in the reckoning.

Mangu Mapia had already started collecting Rs 20=00  from every Tank Truck driver for every trip made in any of the Depots; in his holy bid to protect their birthright to cut the petroleum products from all the tank trucks and Depots. 

By now, Changu had started feeling left out by Suren Chor and Mangu Mapia.  Chabi, a philosopher and also Pissoo’s driver was getting closer and closer to Changu. Chabi wanted to remain a Tank Truck driver for ever but Pissoo promoted him as a Car driver considering Chabi’s intellect. Chabi wanted money, not status. Thus, Chabi’s plan to become rich quick was shattered brutally by Pissoo. 

The Association painted the whole Tapri red in honor of CMD and Directors. All association members were neatly clad in new white Kurta Pajama purchased by themselves. Gandhi Topis (Caps) were provided by Topi Pissoo, obviously! They had also constructed a stage just outside LPG Plant to felicitate the SPCL bosses gratefully; for having facilitated them to cut the products from Depots with impunity despite Bapu’s written complaints. 

Since morning, the loud speaker had started playing patriotic songs at full volume. Topi, the patron, was humming constantly- ‘Mile Sur Mera Tumhara’. Suren Chor was singing most patriotically- ‘Mere desh ki Dharti ugle Petrol Diesel...’. 

Mangu Mapia was high on Bhang (Cannabis sativa) and was playing ‘holi’ with himself and the Drivers / cleaners since morning. He did not stop dancing and singing for Suren Chor even for a moment. It was like a cosmic dance by a comic dunce for a chronic dense; savored by all.

At the same time, Changu started moving surreptitiously towards Chandpur; the other end being Nachpur. He had a five liter Oil can in his hand, when he was last seen.  

                                  

The Caravan of 15 cars, carrying three bosses, reached Tapri at 11.30 A.M as they got delayed because of salutation at every Petrol Pump enroute. Suren Chor and Mangu Mapia presented a memorandum about the problems created by Bapu and his three friends in the name of Safety for not only the LPG plant’s Tank Truck drivers but also for the Petrol/Diesel drivers working in the adjacent Oil Depot.

Topi also submitted a memo regarding his long pending bills against several constructions in LPG Plant not cleared by Bapu; despite clear instructions given by Reno and Satak. Shekhar Raj and humanitarian buddy Noora, on behalf of Khajulal, assured Topi that such indiscipline will not be tolerated.

As the bosses were about to enter into the Plant; there was a huge explosion just outside LPG plant at Chandpur end. Consequently, the dry grass out side the Plant caught fire and the flames reached up to the height of fifty feet. The flames continued to erupt threatening to enter into the LPG Plant and Depots. There was utter pandemonium on the stage. Wooden stage, constructed by Topi at the cost of SPCL, collapsed and all hell broke loose. 

Mami and Butterfly, not on the stage, rushed to Bandhu’s dhaba. Suren Chor and Mangu Mapia ran in the direction of Chandpur, in search of Changu.

Except Chabi, all drivers of Tank Trucks and 15 cars ran in the direction towards Nachpur. Chabi seemed to be mentally prepared for the accident. He was standing just near his car. He hopped into the car hurriedly and began to honk the horn hard and hysterically to help holy honchos reach at hotel hastily. Topi and the bosses heroically got up on their feet and got themselves deposited in the Ambassador Car. 

Heavy-weights gone, Satak Pal Sen started running from one end of the main gate of 50 ft length to the other end without entering into the Plant. Throughout he was shouting – Fire! Fire!! Fire!!! Reno was following Satak inch by inch and decibel by decibel. This continued for ten minutes though the fire got extinguished on its own within 7 -8 minutes.

Chabi dropped them into the Hotel in Nachpur -15 Kms away from Tapri. A message for them was awaiting- The fire had already been extinguished. The Manager of the Hotel informed them that two journalists were also waiting for them to enquire about some fire in Tapri. Humanitarian Noora, the more intelligent among them, realizing the problem, dropped Topi at the Hotel to sort out the journo and ordered Chabi to immediately rush back to Tapri....

                          

Click here for the next article Scam Kreeda ..............................................................................                                                                                                    

(4) Scam-dev and Scam-ayani

(Continued from the previous post File Note to Pile Currency Note.)

Bapu was still in Hospital, though out of danger now. He had also been invited for the Party. But Bapu, the ‘arrogant traitor’, chose comforts of the hospital to the ‘spiritual’ luxury of Bhogi Bar! In SPCL, all Parties involving “Spirits and  Salsa" by Sirens  used to be called ‘Spiritual Parties’. 

As per the procedures of SPCL, he should have informed the bosses in writing about his inability to attend the meeting. As such, the Party at Bhogi Bar was an Official Review Meet of all Officers (around 50) of SPCL Tapri Complex! Satak and Reno were thrilled that Bapu could now be easily served a Charge Sheet against ‘Insubordination and unauthorized absenteeism’ for not attending the Party/meeting!

Tired but gratified bosses after the action-packed night at Bhogi Bar spent the next day shopping, discussing about Shanno et al; and attending the all important Topison’s marriage. 

Meanwhile, Satak and Reno were in Office preparing for the meeting to take place the very next day where the only item in the agenda was: the enemy no.1 of SPCL- Bapurao alias Bapu. Satak was hysterical as usual and was shouting –“Bapu is a stupid and frustrated fellow! Boss is always right, Boss is always right…” 


Reno 20 W 45 eagerly bowed down by 45 degrees and pleaded Satak to just calm down. And then to please his boss Satak, Reno magically brandished Bapu’s bright orange diary; which was stolen the previous night from Bapu’s flat by Team Techno Tandi under the able guidance of Miss Butterfly Reno 20 W 45.

Satak really calmed down and even smiled seeing the diary. Now he could read Bapu’s mind! They started reading a short article written by Bapu in his diary with a heading ‘Scam-ayani’. Bapu had referred in the article: Satak as Scam-Dev, Mami as Scam-ayani, Reno as Scam-Putra, Butterfly as Scam-ya, Shekhar Raj as Scum –Dev, , File Notes as Scam-Sutra, official meetings as Scam-Kreeda and other bosses variously as Scamsters, scammers, scamps,  scam -uck etc on the lines of Hindi words Kamdev, Kamsutra, Kamayani,Kamuk etc.

After reading the article, Satak, yet again went berserk. ‘Satak Satak gaya’ so to say in Hindi. He started scam-pering in his room frantically. So, now, Reno too had to scam-per incessantly; following his boss bit by bit. Within no time Satak was shouting in stentorian tones: –“Bapu is stupid …! Boss is always right…”.This time Reno just could not come to grips with Satak so he had to dash away calling out Mami. 

Mami entered into the room and Satak into tranquility. Reno preferred to spend rest of the day in his flat with Butterfly. Satak kept on shouting at regular interval and Mami continued to sedate him in her own Scam-ayani manner.

Late in the night Satak and Reno attended the marriage. But here too, after seeing Bapu’s three friends, Satak went crackers. Every time he saw those three, he became frenzied and started shouting. Shekhar Raj would just lift his right hand and Satak will go noiseless. The game went on till the dinner was over.

After the dinner, when all the guests, lesser Officers of SPCL and even the Topi’s family members had gone; Topi Pissoo and the drunken Grand Ambassadors of SPCL gathered around the pool. CMD Khajulal was continuing to drink Bloody Mary and eat Kaju (Cashew nuts) well one hour after the dinner. By now, his mouth was looking like famous ugly grease Plant of SPCL in a coastal town.

Out of the blue, Khajulal jumped in the pool and started swimming fully dressed without stopping to eat Kaju. All others followed the action without wasting even seconds. Topi Pissoo Mehta Shouted devotedly: “Jai Maata Di!”. The whole swimming pool erupted faithfully and unfailingly: “Jai Me’ta di”.

(Click here for the next Article Cosmic dance by a comic dunce)